It's not like TLC is making documentaries about stuff like that.
They have six year-old pageant brats jacked up on Mountain Dew to cover instead.
Since I can't depend on educational television to enlighten me to the real deal, I can only guess that this is how processed a book's components are by the time it lands in the loving lap of an awaiting reader. They could be made by the Muppets or the Rockefellers or the Illuminati for all I know...I just write the things. I do know this, however: every brand-spanking new JOE VAMPIRE comes out of the factory piping hot and fresh off the print-on-demand presses, kids. They smell like liberty, like freedom...like two hundred forty-three pages of sarcastic words that make up a vampire's tale of wit and woe.
And I want someone to have one.
I'll even write my name in it, if that's something you're into.
It'll be smaller than this, and written on the inside
with Sharpie. Also: there might be a doodle.
All you have to do is comment on this post and tell me: what is the one thing you'd like least about being a vampire? Could be anything: itchy capes, brushing your fangs three times a day. Gas. Whatever you think. Just comment on it in the box at the bottom of the screen to enter. We'll go ahead and run the contest through Saturday, JOEVEMBER 17th so we can get a goodly build-up of comments. Everyone who answers will be entered in a scientific random drawing process I like to call "I Put All Your Names In A Cup And Have My Youngest Kid Pull One Out". Take THAT, Lloyds of London...or whoever it is that guards the Academy Award winner envelopes.
That could be the Muppets, too.
At any rate...
Sound like a sweet deal?
Feel free to spread the word to your friends and family. I'll be sending out reminders as the days go by. And remember to leave your comment below...you could be the big winner of a paperfied version of JOE VAMPIRE.